Transformational coach Tom Graham shows high-capacity entrepreneurs how to scale with clarity, not burnout.
GROWTH PILLAR: Leadership & Ops
WHO THIS IS FOR: SMB owners / Solopreneurs / Corporate escapees / Leaders building systems
WHAT THEY'LL GAIN: A practical framework for replacing grind-mode leadership with calm, aligned action — plus a free tool to start this week.
Most high-performing founders aren't struggling because they're doing too little. They're struggling because they're doing too much of the wrong things — and their nervous system is keeping score.
Tom Graham is a transformational coach and founder of Frame of Mind. After a lung transplant — and a real conversation with hospice — he rebuilt his entire leadership philosophy from the inside out. Today he helps high-capacity entrepreneurs move from chronic overwhelm to calm, aligned action.
In this episode, Tom breaks down why success can quietly create misalignment, how small emotional drifts compound over time, and what nervous system awareness actually looks like inside a business. He walks through his lean thinking approach to emotional waste, how the words founders use shape the decisions they make, and why internal excellence — not competition — is the real growth lever.
Tom also shares his free Daily Clarity Map — a three-step tool for getting calm and finding one clear action forward, even on your hardest days.
Key topics covered:
Connect with Tom Graham:
Browse all episodes — K4B / ETW / CGN
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NEXT STEPS
Bernie (00:22)
Question to the listener. Why does your business keep growing, but you still feel overwhelmed and slightly out of sync?
That's what our guest will unpack in this episode. He'll speak about how high performing founders drift into high pressure based growth, how small tolerated misalignments quietly drain energy, and why calm alignment, not more effort, creates sustainable success. He'll break down the shift from pushing harder to leading from clarity.
Using nervous system awareness, lean thinking, and transformational coaching to help entrepreneurs scale without losing themselves in the process. If you build momentum, but just don't feel peaceful about it, this conversation is for you. Our guest today is Tom Graham from Frame of Mind. He is the founder of said company, and he is a transformational coach and a systems thinker who helps high capacity entrepreneurs shift from overwhelm and perfectionism.
Into calm, clear, aligned action. After undergoing a life altering lung transplant, Tom rebuilt his leadership philosophy from the inside out. Today he blends nervous system awareness, lean thinking, and transformational coaching to help business owners scale without sacrificing connection, integrity, or peace of mind. His core belief is simple, yet powerful. B determines the quality of due.
Tom teaches that sustainable growth doesn't come from pushing harder. It comes from aligning who you are with what you build. Tom, it's an absolute pleasure to having you coming back here. I know you were in season one that seems like eras years and years ago from episode 80. And so welcome back, sir. It's an absolute pleasure having you here. Do you have a favorite quote or saying you'd like to share with us?
Tom (02:02)
Yeah, I'm delighted to be here. the favorite quote I'd go with is what you shared earlier and that be being determines your doing or your action. And so it's when just unpacking that just a little bit, when when we get to be and we're in alignment
That creates a space for taking aligned action and aligned action is efficient.
Bernie (02:25)
And your comp.
And not panic.
Tom (02:27)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah. I mean, they just yeah. I mean the the the the
Any individual person can make good decisions while not under stress. Logical logic will prevail if that's what you built into your system.
So it's that it's that out of alignment where the mind is taken over by the biology and
Opportunities go away. Tunnel vision comes in and it's like you can only you f a tendency is to fixate on one thing.
Whereas there might be other opportunities if that tunnel vision wasn't there.
Bernie (03:04)
So high performers.
Tom (03:06)
Yeah.
Bernie (03:06)
The offen you know, feeling out of tune, which is interesting because if you're a high performer, that means you're you're hitting success. It's almost like your endorphins are going, yes, did it well. Yes, did it well, yes, did it well. But there's the misalignments. What's causing that?
Tom (03:21)
So let's take a step back just a little bit. That high performance, you get into that unconscious competence, and that's where the drift can happen if you don't check in. And so that's the essence of it. and
It's that out of tune, it's that drift from normal. it's about that, you know. Th out of tune. That small misalignment.
Bernie (03:44)
So how does that impact the business then? when you're having that misalignment? is it is it like the one degree off at four feet isn't as big as you know, a thousand miles later?
Tom (03:55)
Well it it that and if you're one degree off and it's one degree off and a one degree off and a one degree off, pretty soon it's more than one degree off at four miles or four kilometers or whatever. If that makes sense.
Bernie (04:12)
Yeah. Or you've done a you've done a one eighty, in which case you're going back where you started from ever so slowly.
Tom (04:19)
Yeah.
Bernie (04:20)
So do people resist this process? Do they resist getting that realignment going, hang on? Is is that you know you do you have any pushback on that?
Tom (04:29)
It's not so much pushback as it's a lack of awareness. And so it's that discernment, that ability to see it that really empowers people to when when when I can see it and I can know it's off, then I can move in the right direction.
Bernie (04:45)
So what will this pressure happening? What what are the outcomes that are adverse for the person or adverse for the people around them or or their own systems?
Tom (04:55)
Well
Overthinking?
going into that analysis loop, the analysis by paralysis, you know, just this I the stakes are too high, I can't screw up. Like I really gotta you know, a an example of that for me is if I screw up my medicine it could be my life.
Bernie (05:12)
That would you you don't want to be that one degree off t you know, a month down the pipe. No, I guess not.
Tom (05:17)
For sure.
Bernie (05:18)
So when you're working with people though, like what are what are the clues or cues they should be paying attention to? Like when you know they realize something's off a little bit, but they're not, you know, they're not responding to it or correcting it or or tweaking it, or maybe that's not even the right answer is is tweaking it as opposed to stepping back and figuring out if I'm drifting, why am I drifting?
And then w if I'm drifting, should I be drifting? And is that is my end goal not straight ahead, but to the right or to the left, as the case may be?
Tom (05:51)
Yeah, and that's kinda the I was talking to somebody and and and she was in the space of it feels like my corporate job is stealing my soul. And so that's the extreme of how far it can get. And it's by taking the moments, how would you see it? So it it's it you could see it by, you know, how well are you sleeping at night, what wakes you up.
Does it preoccupy your thoughts all the time? Those are some questions that person can ask. And if if if if the situation, if you never get rest that's when the mind squirrels
Bernie (06:27)
Started overworking it. So is is it a matter of realigning back to the goal that the targeted intended target, or is it a matter of the perception of where you should be ending up? You know, if I look at let's say the person you're talking about going, My soul is being sucked out of my corporate life, is there a solution that doesn't involve that person having to leave the corporate life? Or they kind of going, you know, is so like you know, if you look at the number nine one way.
But you walk around the room or walk around it, if it's sitting on the floor, it looks like a number six, right? Is is is that is that kind of a a perception play that's the person might have as an opportunity if without having to literally go, I gotta hit the eject button.
Tom (07:10)
Right. So it's about finding that perspective and merely asking a question can shift someone's perspective. And so it's that remember how I talked about the tunnel vision? Mm-hmm. That's the perspective that a person gets locked on.
And then it's being able to see a different perspective and see new opportunities to move forward. As far as the the
I had a good thought there and it just escaped me. I'll let you ask the questions.
Bernie (07:40)
Okay. so the the when you're in the squirrel cage, I think that's where you're going with that last one. this all kind of comes back to the nervous system. Like, you know, it's it's one thing I want to do this, but your body's going along with you, right? It's it's part of it's part of the journey. And we're we we're responsive to our environment, whether it's food, sleep.
You know, so good sleep hygiene, exercise, hygiene, et cetera. Hygiene in in fact, and overall. Right. If you don't brush your teeth, no one will want to be near you. but
How does the nervous system play into this overall picture? Because it's it's inside you, right? And so is is it is it the stresses, is it the extra hormones, the cortisols, the you know pick your hormone of choice that's gonna, you know, make you wind you up or wind you down, you know.
Tom (08:28)
Yeah.
Bernie (08:29)
you know, how do how does the nervous system play into this whole process and how do you
Not only how does it play in, but how do you manage that then?
Tom (08:38)
Yeah, so part of it is the success that got you there is what can bake in stress that's just in the baseline. And it's when that stress gets o up over a limit that it it it turns into primal where it's just reactionary. And so by being able to have
one awareness that it's happening, two elements to change the somatic experience where it's
Person can find in their body where the stress comes. Some people comes in their throat, some people it comes in their chest, and it's like, wow. And then once they get that, then it's like, okay, so that's going on. and then in terms of of of of differentiating that, part of it is to get into a calmer state.
and then look for the clear action, what is clear forward because once the system is detuned or s desensitized then you know that align then a gross reality check am I in the is my ladder up against the right wall.
Bernie (09:44)
That could be pretty important. We were mentioning earlier about lean thinking. I think we should start off before we start getting into lean thinking. What is the construct about lean? Other than, you know, I wish I were leaner myself, but I'm not, you know. But that that's that's not what lean's all about. What's lean about?
Tom (10:04)
For me lean is about minimizing waste. And the lean thought has eight different forms of waste. And I actually map that on to different forms of emotional waste. And so I have you know, there's waiting. You know, there's is the mind thrashing and that kind of thing. So so there's different segments of where to look for it.
In a sense, lean is doing more with less and that's the innovating productivity. And the innovating productivity, the aim of that is more just become calm and enjoy life on the journey.
Bernie (10:39)
So as the founders Yeah, sorry, go ahead.
Tom (10:42)
No, I was just gonna apologize for getting a little bit sideways, but it seemed like it fit into the framework.
Bernie (10:49)
Yeah. I'm good. I know it's it's it's good. So
The lean helps you support the emotional clarity then. And so the lean is about less waste. How does it how does it get you there? Like what should if I'm if I'm a stakeholder, right? Or I'm just or the solopreneur, what should I be doing then? Like, you know, do I, you know, do I tip my body a little bit to the left, a little bit to the right, forward or backward? Like what is the how do I how do I identify it and then work it at to to improve?
Lean being lean without wasting.
Tom (11:22)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes the metaphor of leaning kinda got me going there. It was a good one.
Bernie (11:30)
I try.
Tom (11:31)
Yeah, yeah. I acknowledge you for that.
lean in the metaphor of
So I go back to discernment, the measurement system. So if you go into pure statistics or pure lean technology, it's can you measure it? And then if you can measure it, then you can move it. If you can move it, then you can control it. And so part of it is knowing what is and isn't your response. And what I mean specifically is
I might be going after a project and I'm chasing it and I I chasing is a funny word, but I have it all mapped out and then I compress the schedule and push through on the critical path and
speaking to the person state, it's about what's the price I have to pay to get there. And that's the piece. And so it's like knowing no the art of war so is it
Bernie (12:24)
Then Sue.
Tom (12:25)
Yeah. You know, know yourself. Know what you need to delegate, what resources you can pull in in that concept.
I created eight forms of waste and all mapped them all on and created questions and how to a ask that. And one of the biggest problems that there is is having people when I said know yourself sometimes people are afraid of measuring themselves.
they won't put themselves up to the stick. Like they won't go into the Olympics because they don't want to be measured.
Bernie (12:57)
So when they're doing the measurement is it's of themselves to themselves, not to an outside judge.
Tom (13:03)
A hundred percent. And so that's that that that that is the kernel. That is the the point of flipping that really makes a difference. Because it's about it's the the principle is about, you know, is it I'm better than somebody else? That's competition. It's more like it's internal excellence.
And that internal excellence, am I better than I was the day before?
And it's me against myself, so to speak. And if a person is actually actuated, they're at peace with I am perfect just as I am, I'm perfect just as I'm not, and I'm striving for excellence. So it's not that there's a status quo and I'm I'm coasting, keep improving and
be at peace with it because
Right here, right now, I'm good.
Bernie (13:53)
When you're working with people, who are the people you want to work with that that would that would benefit from this process of getting is it, you know, the twenty something, is it the forty something, is it the corporate person, is it the soul printer? Who who do you normally see as your your typical clients coming to you going, my gosh? I I I I'm
Age, age is taking me in. I'm going, I am in the wrong spot. I gotta find me my homes h I gotta find me my roots again. Who's who's your best client?
Tom (14:23)
Yeah, it's it's the woman who has achieved a bunch, has high skills, but then has to carry too much. Like she's the linchpin. If she doesn't do it, it's not gonna get done. If
She can't outsource because it's that trust issue. So I can't rest until the end of the day when I got my list done.
And
Generally they're business owners, somebody who has accountability, somebody who has carrying the weight on their shoulders, and if they don't carry it, something's gonna drop. And so they've been carrying their load for so long that they want to.
They can't breathe. You know, it's just chronic I've been grinding, grinding, grinding and then strange things happen when you go into that grind mode in an automatic kind of way. And those things are like decisions are made and they have no memory of
Bernie (15:23)
Wow.
Tom (15:23)
And so what happens there is they're like, shoot.
yeah, I am sure I did that and yes I can be accountable for it and it could have gone really bad.
Bernie (15:35)
So when you when you have a client that comes on your doorstep and they say, Hi, Tom, help me, guide me through here, get me realigned, what is the life cycle of that whole process take? Is is it you know is it one and done in a day? Is it one and done in in a month, dependent on the person? And does it need maintenance or
How does it how does it flow?
Tom (15:55)
they come in and then there is a a three hour intensive intensive's a funny word. But it's a calm reset where they can learn what calm feels like.
And so by having those two days and they establish the new normal of what calm is, most people are good to go. And then they need maintenance, you know, for up to three three months. And then my intention is not to have chronic customers, believe it or not.
I'd rather have set up. It's like riding a bike. You know? Somebody might need help getting started and you're push holding up the seat. Remember doing that?
Bernie (16:30)
Yeah, yeah.
Tom (16:31)
And all of sudden they're riding a bike and then
Bernie (16:33)
They're gone.
Tom (16:34)
don't see for a while.
Bernie (16:36)
You mentioned a finding that calm. Can you define what that calm is? Like what what is a calm? I am a calm sea is the waters not rippling. You know, a calm wind is you you don't feel even a slightest breeze if there is a breeze. What is a calm for a person though? What does that look like or s feel like actually?
Tom (16:54)
Yeah, it feels like that when you were a kid and things are good. It's that kind of piece where it's like
I don't have a worry.
And then by being in that state, you know. For me, I'll describe it, I'll create it it that calm is like being in a field, laying in the field with your dog by your side, and you look up and you look at the clouds and then you fall asleep and then wake up and there's your dog and
Bernie (17:22)
It almost sounds like meditation.
Tom (17:24)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get there through meditation, but it's how everybody has their own past history with calm and then stuff in the world took away from that state. That awareness. And so I say it's all within already. You know, it just it's it's knocking the mud off. Okay. Because
The gold is within.
Bernie (17:47)
So you're working with individuals and you know, an individual can have a team around them. So although they may need to find that center calm component, how how does this affect a team? Does does this stuff then later on ripple out from from the source, the person being the source, your client, and ripple out to those around them?
Tom (18:08)
It it yeah. You know
Yes and
Yes.
we each affa impact the people around us. So naturally the leader is gonna impact the rest of the group.
and the rest of the group can incorporate these same tools. They can be taught. It's not it's a mindset.
Bernie (18:27)
that's nice.
Tom (18:28)
Mm-hmm.
Bernie (18:28)
What what are the tools that you use to help to deliver the course? Is it just is it just a conversation or
Is there more to it?
Tom (18:36)
Yeah. You know, I I I I I cut my teeth as an engineer. And so through all that I I I would create measurement systems. And what I've learned is I create way more measurement systems than people are comfortable with. And so yeah, I've got a lot of different tools that I've built, measurement tools. And
Generally it's a short quiz and then that starts in on the conversation. Have you ever have you ever done ISO auditing You know, nine thousand and one, that kind of thing.
Bernie (19:10)
I've heard about it and in my in my previous career we had something else because the healthcare institutions are are done differently. There there's an accreditation process. basically you gotta have a checklist. yeah. Do you have this? Do you have this SOP? You have standard operating procedure? Do you have this? Yeah, do you have your safety kit? yeah, it goes everything from supply chain, everything about your business so that your business is resilient. Yeah. I've heard about that.
Tom (19:36)
Yeah, yeah. And so when you're an auditor, you can start by asking questions. And there's probably about f for a given let's just take it backwards, where there's something that where there's a nugget of finding, there's five roughly five different ways in to find that finding. And so it's like
Which part of the whole documentation do you start with? Generally it could come back to that finding. And so it's like
starting off it it it people's habits are consistent and so where it shows up in a day generally shows up over time and so it's those patterns that come out in speech. I have the I don't know if it pleasure is the right word. I pick up on patterns
And I hear things that people are saying and I check on check in and say, Hey, is this really what you mean? And inside of that
There's there a lot is revealed in the choices of words we use. And it comes my theory is it comes from the premise that the words we choose create the world we're living in, to the point of if I use should, could, you know, all those that are self-judgment, I have a negative bias.
And it's that negative bias that sets my point of view kinda small. And I don't get the opportunity to see all the other opportunities that are out there. And it's natural. I mean, when I'm super stressed and I'm pfft, you know, if I get test results back and things aren't okay, it's like
Action.
And the right thing is to wait. Get the rest of the data.
Bernie (21:22)
That that must be a hard a hard thing to go, you know, you see something coming up that looks like a red flag and it's going
that and you know there might be more to the story because you haven't waited. So I guess that the this kind of feeds in then your trans your entire transplant, your entire medical pro process that you've gone through, right? Yeah has shifted your leadership, view and processes then.
Tom (21:45)
Yeah.
Maybe deep into
Bernie (21:47)
Yeah. Because it it's you know, it cuts to the core, right? It's not like you you know, like you said, if you s if you skip your meds, not so good. You know, and and it could be a hard a hard stop and depending on how you feel about the afterlife, yeah, yeah. We tend not to all want to get there fast. So I've been told. Typically.
Tom (22:07)
Yeah, yeah. And you know, the the the place I was in, in between diagnosis and actually going for a qualification for a transplant, I talked to hospice. And and that was a legitimate conversation. And so when you start talking about that, it's
I don't know how to say it. It's not an existential crisis, but definitely I've come to the grips of what do I want out of life and what am I doing and that alignment becomes I'd say fairly clear.
So I'm out to empower people.
Bernie (22:41)
You know, I I I could see that, you know, when something is is standing up next to you and it goes, I'm here.
Tom (22:46)
Yeah.
Bernie (22:46)
You know knocking on heaven's door, so to speak, right? And yeah,
Do you find that people understand that when you take them through the process, you know, you're obviously relaying your story. Do you find that they come to grips then that they understand the import of why they should be acting? at reducing that that stress level to have that calmness, getting being centered, why that's important for them. even even if you know, if the knock on the door is coming for tomorrow, right?
you know, 'cause i I I haven't met an immortal yet. Knock on wood, 'cause then there'd be a whole bunch of other questions like, what up with that?
Tom (23:23)
Yeah.
Bernie (23:24)
So we're not. And so we all eventually have to face certain certain moments, right? Does that calmness then just brings it in and allow us go to go forward with good grace?
Tom (23:35)
I I was gonna kinda there's a little something that's in there that's an implied assumption. And generally I don't overtly say, Hey, life is short. Have you done your will?
Bernie (23:47)
I I'm not talking I'm not talking about, by the way, set things up for the inevitable. I'm I'm talking about because I'm what I'm taking from what you provide people is this is how I manage, you know, these are these are the undulations here, the stress points, right? And so if if you're kind of on alignment where you want to be and what you want to do, you'll act accordingly and calmly and with you know with foresight with the next series of logical steps.
sometimes some people have to be brought to the precipice and and they're not going over. Yeah. so yeah, I'm not implying, you know, get get your get your paper in alignment, but i it's just the realizing that, you know, how you deal with that stress today, whether it's minor, you know, the the you know, a delivery hasn't shown up versus my gosh, someone had a you know
near fatal accident, you know, a near miss event, right? adverse event. Is it's just is it that composure then that is is coming in that you know, so you can manage the stress of the moment so it doesn't wear you in or wear you down, I should say.
Tom (24:52)
Yeah. So if I heard right, there was about three questions in there. you
Bernie (24:57)
You're
welcome. I I'm good with that. I'm good with that. You're welcome.
Tom (24:59)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the first one is mm each person has an individual answer to the system. It's it's a personal alignment. And so it's not that I know the answer in as much as I know what resonance feels like. Like when you if we're having a conversation and you're telling me about something
And you tell me about your favorite thing, you tell me about what you don't like, it's very clear to see, to feel the difference. And a lot of times people can't tell the difference between themselves, within themselves. So I'm a mirror. So I reflect back.
And so I I don't know the answer for each individual, I know the process and the process is all within.
Bernie (25:46)
Yeah.
Tom (25:46)
And so
Yeah.
Bernie (25:48)
Yeah, sorry, I didn't I didn't I didn't mean to make it I didn't make it wanted to make it a heavy subject. I just thought, you know, if if if there's a heavy decision to make, like, you know, do I quit? Do I do I you know, start a new business, right? And this is not something I've done.
Tom (26:03)
And it's a state check. And I apologize for going over you, but there's a state check. And so the first question is, are you upset? So if the person's reacting emotionally and they're just charged on a scale of one to ten, one is they're playing no problem, and ten is I can't sleep, I can't even eat my favorite ice cream. Don't make a decision when you're a ten.
Get down to that one where it's no problem because then it's like rational thinking. And then the other the so I said three, so one is upset, one is
Empowered or disempowered. And so that's where the languaging comes in. Empowered is about you know the words that a person uses. And then the last the third one is completion. Are they carrying something from their past? Is it complete or do they have to get this issue resolved? Because if they make a decision
from that past, like I'm a certain way or this is a certain thing, that clouds the judgment going forward.
It's that filter. And so that's how bad decisions get made.
Bernie (27:12)
So I guess at the end of the day, chaos is the thing to avoid and the chaos inside your headspace. Because chaos is outside and chaos of by definition means it's an unrecognized pattern. Uh-huh. Yeah, if I if I'm correct. So you're trying to reduce that internal chaos in yourself then.
Tom (27:28)
Yeah, in in addition, how much it's this the environment that you live in, what food, what exercise, what social media do you take in and actually, you know, taking the weeds out of the garden. What can you control? What can't you control? And so if you can't control it and it's a weed, don't take it.
Bernie (27:47)
So you have something called the Daily Clarity Map. What's that all about? It's yeah, you have something that's a free resource for the folks listening in on the Act for Business Podcast.
Tom (27:57)
Yeah, it's it's it's a three step thing and it's about getting to calm and it's I can give it to you right here, it's breathe, calm down, and then just sit with the quiet and what's one achievable action that you can take today.
singularly like once you get into that calm space that's where the heart brain coherence comes in and then what is aligned with that it feels right
And so that's the essence of it.
And when action's taking into that direction, there is a sense of calm that comes in. It's like, hey, I'm taking care of this. I'm I'm scheduling this so I can get my tested tomorrow or whatever it is.
Bernie (28:44)
So Tom, if someone is listening to this podcast and they're going, I need a I need a p I I need a piece of Tom's wisdom. How do they find said Tom?
Tom (28:54)
there's multiple ways. I I have depends on how they want to to to to consume. I have podcasts or you know, audio on Spotify and on
Apple Podcast. All of
Bernie (29:08)
What's a called
Tom (29:09)
It's called
innovative productivity.
Yeah. And I have a YouTube Been Heard with Tom Graham.
And Facebook group, which is Ripple Makers, which is ironic about the the you know you say the calm had no ripples and I was like, well yes and no. So what if you could actually cause ripples that eventually make calm?
Kinda like noise cancellation.
Bernie (29:35)
Yep.
Tom (29:36)
So I assert when everybody's in their aligned or highest self and they're leaning into what their gift is, they create miracles for others. I saw this in spades through my transplant journey and people just kept showing up and showing up and leaning in. I was just like, I I can't believe how lucky I am.
And it's just like, you know, I went to the Mayo Clinic and it was they were leaning in and person after person, everybody, the the the nurses at night even, you know, they would listen to my concerns and then advocate for me in doctor speak because I couldn't say it in doctor speak.
So that that's what I've seen. So this is me leaning into my gift. I have a gift of listening. I have a gift of
I suppose patience and I'm analytical and
Yeah. You know, just as an aside, I'm building my brand as
Empowerment, ethical and trust. That's what I want to be known as. And so that's my true north for what I'm up to.
Bernie (30:44)
Tom Graham, I want to say thank you to our Knack 4 Business listeners. I want to say thank you for your time. Tom helps those high capacity entrepreneurs that are looking for that success, not just outside, but inside themselves too. if you're feeling overwhelmed, you're getting pulled in different directions, you kind of, things are going somewhat well, but not right. in other words, you know, you're not sleeping well and so forth. Reach out to Tom.
he's got some inherent wisdom that he can share. He'll listen and he'll guide.